When thinking back to the making process as a whole, I see myself in what MacDougall said when talking about Photo Wallahs; “making the film was a process of [continuous] enquiry and discovery” (1992, p.98), which, in my case, eventually resulted in several changes of methods and tactics during shooting. The film is based on the technique of auto-ethnography. It presents a mixture of video diaries, which I recorded being alone with the camera; and performed scenes, of metaphorical and symbolic nature. This final outlook reveals a journey of experimentation and compromises with myself, with my collaborators, and the video itself.
My first approach to the video, in fact, came out of my previous experience with still photography. Being that the only way to hold and move a camera I knew, I tried to apply a methodology I was familiar with, to build the structure of the video. Coming up with a fairly complete image of the final product, preparing the setting, and clicking the shutter button. Where this process worked for a couple of frames, it was extremely inefficient when I came across the issue of narrative. Building a cohesive storyline with moving images represented one of the biggest challenges throughout the making of the film. I had ideas; I love them; I questioned them; I discarded them and found new ones, just to start this whole cycle again.
My original idea was to use the film to explore indecision through the experience of a group of people, offering both the perspective of the young, and that of the older generations. Their experiences would have been recorded both via to-camera interviews, and participant observation, giving the subjects complete freedom on what to talk about, and, most importantly where. However, as I looked for my imagined subjects, I became more and more aware of the fact that I was looking for was someone to tell the story the way I wanted. Once I recognised the subjectivity that was leading my research, I decided not to avoid it, but, rather, to turn my video into an auto-ethnography, and, therefore, to embrace completely a viewpoint that in the academic context, I would otherwise discarded as “unhelpfully subjective” (Turner, 2013, p. 225).